Talking about suffering: Why pure motives don’t always make things right

Why am I sick?
Will I ever get better?
What am I supposed to be doing with my life?
It can take courage to ask these questions. But sometimes, it can take even more courage to answer them.

Today’s post is the first in a series of articles called ‘Talking about Suffering’…

Talking about suffering is hard! (how do you know what to say?)

Figuring out the truths about illness, suffering and the big problems of life is difficult.

It’s a different sort of hard when you are not sick yourself. How often do you feel helpless in the face of such questions? How often do you feel ill-equipped to answer your sick friend’s frustrations?

Even if you ‘know’ the right response (whether that’s an answer, rebuke or piece of advice) you might not know ‘how’ to say it.

Is this you? It’s often me!
Continue reading “Talking about suffering: Why pure motives don’t always make things right”

Can Joy be ‘chronic’ too? (I’m a resource!)

Something exciting has happened.
Indeed, it happened a while ago, but this seems as good a time as any to announce it!

Chronic Joy devotion books

There’s an organisation called Chronic Joy.
Continue reading “Can Joy be ‘chronic’ too? (I’m a resource!)”

LTCI #2: Am I my family’s keeper?

How’s your mum? How’s your sister?’

These are questions I get a lot. They’re great questions. They mean people are thinking about my sick family members, and it shows that the people around me understand that their illnesses are a rather large part of my life.

Most of the time I appreciate the time taken to ask a question like this, and the implied preparedness of the Asker to listen to a ‘deep’ response.

The other week though, I got asked this question twice, and each time it left me feeling guilty.

I bumped into my landlady as I was leaving my house, and she stopped me with a smile, and asked, ‘How is your mum going? And your sister’s health – how is it?’

I smiled in reply – and then froze.

Continue reading “LTCI #2: Am I my family’s keeper?”

A letter to the parents who are chronically ill (You are not a failure)

“You are not your illness.”

Dear Parent with a chronic illness,

You don’t have to say it aloud. I’ve read it in your sighs, your looks, your actions.

The confession.

The apology.

My sickness has damaged the happiness of my child.

I, who brought them into the world, who had all these plans, these hopes – have been able to do one percent of all I dreamed.

I wasn’t the one to bake with them, to take them to the beach, to bushwalk, to laugh – someone else did these things, and sometimes, no one did them.
A

m I a failure?
Continue reading “A letter to the parents who are chronically ill (You are not a failure)”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me!”(Watchers, we are not Saints)

“I’m okay.”
“I’ve got this.”
“Honestly, it’s fine, I promise.”
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we are only a Watcher, and instead begin to think that we are (or should be) a “saint”.
This is what it looks like:

Watchers, we are not saints

Do you…

  • …. feel guilty all the time. I’m not a good Watcher. Not even passable. Why can’t I do anything right?
  • … gloss over your hardships and sacrifices. Oh I don’t do much, not at all. Yes I spent all day driving my loved one to appointments in the rain, but that doesn’t matter. It was nothing!
  • … never share your problems. I’m going fine. One’s got to do what they’ve got to do! Other people have it worse, after all.

Continue reading ““I’m fine, don’t worry about me!”(Watchers, we are not Saints)”

My son is ill and in jail (Mary’s story)

May this interview be an encouragement that there are others out there too, struggling to love and seeking to give, all the while figuring out what it looks like to do exactly that.

It’s time… for the second interview with another watcher.

The blog series Another Watcher’s Story is a compilation of interviews with other people just like us who are in a relationship with someone suffering from a chronic illness, mental or physical. They may or may not be in an official caregiving role, but they have a unique tale to tell.

The purpose of this blog is to remind us that we are not alone.

So without further ado, let me introduce Mary. Her son suffers from Bipolar, Tourette’s, Anxiety, Autism and Dysgraphia, and her Dad struggles with TIA’s (multiple strokes).
Continue reading “My son is ill and in jail (Mary’s story)”

Prayer, Chronic Illness and Healing (Part 2)

The Bible has some pretty in-your-face things to say about prayer and healing. Jesus, as He walked on this earth prayed some big prayers.
But where do these truths fit in my life when my loved ones are not healed however much I pray?

Prayer, Healing and Chronic Illness (Part 2)

I’m continuing my mission to make the resources on this website easier to find – so here is my second ’round up’ of prayer related posts. The first post included the articles:

{POST 1}

Prayer + Chronic Illness = ? (or why we need to make up our minds about prayer)

prayer and chronc illness www.calledtowatch.com #chronicillness #suffering #loneliness #caregiver #pain #caregiving #spoonie #faith #God #Hope

and

{POST 2}

Why you should pray for healing in Chronic Illness (and 3 reasons why it is so hard)

praying for healing why 2 www.calledtowatch.com #chronicillness #suffering #loneliness #caregiver #pain #caregiving #spoonie #faith #God #Hope

Prayer and Chronic Illness (Part 2):

{POST 3}

Why praying for healing is tricky (a look at those troublesome Bible passages I used to hate)

As I watch people in my life suffer yet cling to the knowledge that I serve a good God, I have struggled with the Bible’s teachings on prayer. I used to read the verses which seemed to promise immediate physical healing with great cynicism.

At last I decided it was time for me to look into them properly, and I was somewhat surprised at what I discovered when I left my pride and preconceived ideas at the door.

praying for healing 2 www.calledtowatch.com #chronicillness #suffering #loneliness #caregiver #pain #caregiving #spoonie #faith #God #Hope

{POST 4}

How to pray for healing from Chronic Illnesses (Jesus prayed, I prayed, and neither of us were answered!)

It’s all very well for me to know that I OUGHT to pray – but how do I really go about praying for someone with an ‘incurable’ disease? I decided to look at the sort of prayers Jesus prayed – and also whether or not they were answered..

right way to pray for healing 2 www.calledtowatch.com #chronicillness #suffering #loneliness #caregiver #pain #caregiving #spoonie #faith #God #Hope

 

// What sort of struggles have you had with the idea of prayer? I’d love to hear about them!

PS: Enjoyed the post above? Get the next one delivered straight to you! Sign up for email notifications  

I’m also on Facebook, Pinterest & Twitter! Meet me there for more interesting reads, resources and community.

Planning your own future when you have a chronically ill family member

Sooner or later all of us want to look into the future. The time comes when we need to sit down with pen and paper and plan out our next few years. The problem with doing this as a Watcher is that chronic illness extends into the future too! It’s a big part of our life and we can’t ignore it or naively pretend that it will simply ‘go away’.

How then do we plan our future, keeping in mind our Loved One’s chronic illness?

How to plan your future while thinking of your sick family member

1. We admit it is hard

I think we’d all admit that planning our future is hard anyway. Whether you have too many possibilities or not enough, it’s difficult to figure out what something we have never experienced will look like. Most of us have dreams we’d like to see become reality, or at the very least we dream that one day we will have dreams.

Considering your future in the presence of chronic illness is even harder. The reason for this is that chronic illness is unpredictable. We can’t say how long our Loved One will need us, or how soon they will take a turn for the worse or for the better. We want to be realistic, but we also want to be hopeful.

Of course life is unpredictable for all of us. I could die tomorrow. And yet loving someone with chronic illness means that my future plans will impact them. Whatever I decide there will be some ramifications in their life – and so the burden to ‘choose right’ becomes even heavier.

Continue reading “Planning your own future when you have a chronically ill family member”

What I’ve been reading about Chronic Illness & Life January 2018 (and what you’ve read too!)

There is So. Much. Stuff on the internet! How do you know what’s worth a read? Recommendations of course – here’s 5 articles I’ve appreciated this past month and what I’ve learnt from them:

What I’ve been reading January 2018

1. Do you look for the helpers?

It’s easy for big hardships to overshadow all of life. And yet God works through tiny details too – and so it’s important to keep our eyes open for them! This reminded me to:

  • Take time to name the good things that are happening
  • Use them as praise ‘points’ to ‘point’ me to God!

https://theglorioustable.com/2017/12/do-you-look-for-the-helpers/

Continue reading “What I’ve been reading about Chronic Illness & Life January 2018 (and what you’ve read too!)”

How to love children with chronically ill parents

Most of us know someone who struggles with their health. Perhaps they’ve been diagnosed with a physical chronic illness, or they struggle daily with their mental health. As their friend, we seek to love and serve them in their suffering.
But how often do we remember their children?

What about the children with chronically ill parents?

Helen recently shared her story of caring for her chronically ill daughter – and now it’s time to think about what it’s like when the situation is reversed…

Three ways children with chronically ill parents can suffer:

READ MORE (first published on the Glorious Table as a guest post)

 

[Don’t have time to read right now? Pin for later!:]

//Do you know what it’s like to be a child of a chronically ill parent? If so, I’d love to hear your story!

 

PS: Enjoyed the post above? Get the next one delivered straight to you! Sign up for email notifications  

I’m also on Facebook, Pinterest & Twitter! Meet me there for more interesting reads, resources and community.