The importance of broken dreams

We need to dream so that they can be broken

Have your dreams ever been broken? Have you ever wept because something you hoped for will never be?

A ‘broken dream’ – it sounds like something from a fairy-tale or a Shakespearean sonnet, something which doesn’t quite happen in the day to day life of the 21st century. It definitely doesn’t really sound like something we can admit to.

And yet I think we should.

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I am thankful (sorry it’s cliche!)

We can’t all be hipsters…

Thankful.

I am not going to say that I am thankful for my mum’s diagnosis. I’m not at that stage yet, and I’m not sure if I ever genuinely will be. Yet these past two weeks have left me with much to be thankful for.

So much more than I expected.

Yet I hesitate to share this reality, because it sounds too saccharine. ‘Practising gratitude’ has become a stock ‘self-care’ practice over the last few years and so I am scared of being ‘cliché’.

Not because clichés are wrong or embarrassing (we can’t all be hipsters and there’s really nothing new under the sun!) but because I don’t want my thankfulness to be seen as something artificial.

I am not thankful because I ‘ought’ to be, or because I ‘have’ to be, or because the Bible says I should be. I am thankful because I genuinely have a lot to be thankful for.

Last but not least, I can be thankful because I hold onto a Hope which exists in the aftermath. In the face of suffering and cancer leading to death forever, I would find it hard to be thankful for these things. Yet because I know these little bursts of light are only glimmers of what will come after death, I find I can be thankful.

And so I rejoice and I cry, and I do both at the same time and that does not reduce the potency of either.

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Watchers, we are not Experts

The reason we are never experts, even when we have ‘qualifications’

“Lights on, hours before dawn.

In pain someone rolls.

It’s not me, never me,

for whom the bell tolls.”

Happy Thursday! Obviously it’s been a while since I posted. Lately my thoughts have not been ordered enough to sit down and blog, the reason for this being that new health problems have arisen in the lives of my Loved Ones (and hence in my life).

And so, I’ve spent some time grieving, some time trying to figure out my response, and even more time wandering what the future will look like. As of yet, I don’t have any answers, and I’m not sure when ones will be forthcoming – but this I know: my God goes on before me.

In an attempt to process this new upheaval I spent some time writing poetry. I offer this as an explanation as to why I haven’t been writing here, but also because I thought perhaps sharing some stanzas might also serve as an explanation, and even an encouragement. Is there anyone else who turns to poetry in order to order their thoughts?

For me, there is something clarifying in forcing my emotions to submit to the demands of rhythm and rhyme.

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You cannot do it all (but what if you want to?)

How I stay sane when I want to do EVERYTHING

When I think of ambition, I see someone fighting tooth and nail to get to the top of their career ladder

… and to be honest, that’s not me.

When I think of ambition, I imagine an athlete, struggling to stay ahead of their peers, striving for Olympic gold

… and to be honest, that’s not me.

When I think of ambition, I picture a work-a-holic father, shutting out his family and surviving on toast and beans in his desire for success

… and to be honest, that’s not me.

And yet, I’ve come to realise over the years that ambition can take different forms. Or perhaps what I am about to describe is not ambition exactly – and yet ambition is the best word I’ve found so far to describe it.

Ambition.

What makes it wrong?

What makes it right?

Am I being called to give it up?

Am I okay with that?

read more. 

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LTCI 4: Why Illness is not everything

There is always a person behind an illness… can you find them?

I recently went to a conference where I met a lot of new people.

Which (necessarily) led to lot of introductions – and because this was a writing conference, it also led to a lot of answering the question: what do you write?

Which in turn led to explaining about this blog, and after that, about my Loved Ones – namely, my mum and my sister. After the first five times I got my ‘blurb’ down pat:
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What I’ve been reading April 2018 (and what you’ve been reading too!)

Sore toes, struggling to read the Bible and writing letters to the loved ones in our life.

April is done and dusted. What did you get up to? I read several interesting posts – on topics ranging from the difficulty of waiting, what to do when you are not healthy enough to read the Bible, and the unexpected blessings of a mangled toenail!

Let me know what you think!

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LTCI 3: How to balance skepticism with love

What if you don’t trust their judgement?

Hello, my name’s Emily and I’m a Skeptic.

If this sounds like a therapy group meeting, you’ll soon understand why.

But first, take a moment. Could this ‘greeting’ be applied to you?

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