Called To Watch

The gift that wasn’t for her (LTCI #1)

As the shops get busier and my drive home after a late night shift becomes increasingly well-lit thanks to the current Christmas light epidemic, I’ve decided to introduce a new blog ‘series’.

Love in a Time of Chronic Illness (LTCI)

Many of my posts are either ‘answers’ or ‘explanations’ relating to the difficulties and loneliness-es of loving someone with a chronic illness.

I’ve never proposed to have the ‘only-exclusively-right’ answers to every situation of course. (Unless the Answer is Jesus, in which case I do!) But I write what I’ve learnt and I describe what’s encouraged me.

But for a while now I’ve been nursing a fear that perhaps these posts are portraying me unrealistically.

Eight hundred polished words are not the same as a polished life.
Continue reading “The gift that wasn’t for her (LTCI #1)”

Prayer, chronic illness & healing (Part 1)

Prayer. Healing. Chronic Illness.
These are tricky topics, and ones I’ve struggled with quite a bit. In these two posts you will find my thoughts… and why prayer has often seemed like a simple ‘wish’ when really it’s more like a magic wand.

Prayer, chronic illness & healing

{POST 1}

Prayer + Chronic illness = ? (Or, why we need to make up our minds about prayer)

When I was little I used to search the chip packet for wish chips.

Chips in general were rare, and those double folded chips were even rarer. When you ate them you were meant to make a wish. Like wish bones in chickens and blowing out birthday candles.

Every time I crunched a wish chip, I wished for the same thing… read more

{POST 2}

Why we should pray for healing in chronic illness (and 3 reasons it is so hard)

If a wizard doesn’t have a wand, we begin to doubt whether he truly is a wizard. If he has one, and doesn’t use it… well that’s just silly! …
Often my prayers for my Mum’s healing seem repetitive.

They exhaust me.

I don’t feel like dragging sickness into my prayer life… read more.

{HAPPY CHRISTMAS}

Christmas is coming up, and I want to thank you for following my blog. When you sign up you’ll receive 3 downloadable and printable cards suitable for someone with a chronic illness – and anyone in need of some love!

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Friends, we are not doctors. (Is it wrong to want your chronically ill Loved One cured?)

When I was little I toyed with the idea of becoming a doctor. Not because I had an undying desire to see sick people healed, but because there was one ill person I wanted to cure. I longed to take away my mum’s pain with a single flick of a pen on a prescription pad.

While my career aspirations soon headed off down a different track, I think this desire is something we can all sympathise with. To some extent it never does away.

As care-givers and support-bearers and Watchers we would love to see our Loved Ones healed. Yet it can become dangerous when this simple desire begins to morph into something subtly different: a belief that it is our responsibility to cure them.
When this happens we swap our role as a Watcher for that of a “doctor”.

Watchers we are not… doctors

Do you ever feel the need to cure your chronically ill loved one?

Have you accidentally become a “doctor”? Do you ever:

Feel your goal in the relationship is to bring healing?
Spend time collecting remedies (via Google, word of mouth etc) and offering them to your Loved One?
Feel better when you can diagnose the cause of your Loved One’s distress that day. Does being able to rate it on a scale of 1-10 and use the appropriate words to describe and understand it, reassure you?
Feel like a failure when you are unable to reduce your Loved One’s suffering, or bring them relief?

“Watchers, we are not doctors. We have a higher calling.” Tweet @calledtowatch

Continue reading “Friends, we are not doctors. (Is it wrong to want your chronically ill Loved One cured?)”

How to sympathise with "first world" problems

Some struggles win our sympathy easily.
My mother died.
I have cancer.
We are being evicted.

These announcements normally evoke an emotional response. We recognise them as huge, world-breaking problems. They are tragedies with capital ‘T’s.

For this reason it is often easier to sympathise with our chronically ill friend, than our whining-about-their-chipped-nails colleague. And yet, we’ve discussed that as humans (and even more so as Christ-followers) we really ought to sympathise with both.

Easy to say.

Hard to do.
Continue reading “How to sympathise with "first world" problems”

Why you should sympathise with first world problems (when your own are much bigger)

I stubbed my toe.
I can’t afford concert tickets.
There’s no chocolate in my house.
Who hasn’t heard such complaints? From friends, colleagues – perhaps from yourself.

We often label them “first world problems”.
And they can be annoying. Especially as Watchers.
Continue reading “Why you should sympathise with first world problems (when your own are much bigger)”

Chronic illness is affecting my relationship… and I can’t help it.

Relationships with our chronically ill partners, friends or family members can be difficult. It’s important that we admit this, and carry on. But what does ‘carry on’ look like?

We accept brokenness in the context of our relationship

Sometimes remembering that both you and your chronically ill friend are only human can go a long way.

We can’t avoid frustrations and fractured relationships in this world. One day our hearts will be healed once and for all, but that time is not yet.

It is not wrong to long for better relationships, or feel that something is missing, but we cannot expect or demand perfection in this life.

Sometimes we need to learn to be (temporarily) satisfied with less. The only way we can really do this is if our strongest hope is in our relationship with Jesus rather than our relationship with our chronically ill friend.

Continue reading “Chronic illness is affecting my relationship… and I can’t help it.”

3 reasons it is good to be sad after a chronic illness diagnosis

I don’t like being sad. Do you?
Being sad means I no longer feel like laughing at someone’s joke or daydreaming in the sun.

Being sad can mean I get headaches from crying, or find it difficult to concentrate during lectures, sermons or long conversations.

And yet, the truth is, when tragedy strikes our loved ones, it can actually be helpful to be sad.

Here’s why.

3 reasons it’s good to be sad:

1. Sadness is reality

Let us not lose sight of the fact that when someone we love is suffering we ought to be sad.

It’s not merely ‘okay’ or ‘acceptable’ – but it is good.

If your heart does not break at the new distress of someone you love, something is not right.

Feeling sad means you’re human.

It means you have a living, breathing, sympathetic heart, and that is good. We were not created to be stone statues, but living people created in the likeness of a God who weeps as well as laughs.

Sadness is the right response to tragic reality. It means you see the world as it is. Life is not all happy games and hopes fulfilled. It is just as equally a dark valley and night time tears.

To see and feel sorrow when it is present is good.

Sadness is the right response to tragedy. It is part of being human – tweet!

Continue reading “3 reasons it is good to be sad after a chronic illness diagnosis”

3 questions to ask when chronic illness threatens your relationship (and the only one that matters)

My chronically ill spouse, friend, family member hates me.

… and I’m beginning to suspect I hate them back.

These are big words.

Painful, awful words.

But so is being hurt by someone you love. ‘Dislike’ just doesn’t do it justice.

When we’ve invested a lot of time and emotional energy into a difficult relationship, it can be devastating when it crumples. This is especially true when our partner or friend is battling a chronic illness.

If our ill family member yells at us or threatens to leave, it can also be shameful. Fighting with your hospitalised grandmother, complaining about your chronically ill brother… it just seems wrong.

But it happens.

So what do you do?
Continue reading “3 questions to ask when chronic illness threatens your relationship (and the only one that matters)”

The 3 dangers of being sad after a chronic illness diagnosis

Sadness after a chronic illness diagnosis, that’s valid, right?

It’s a good thing… yes?

Well – sort of.

Sadness can be restrictive

Strange as it may seem, having mixed emotions can actually be a saving grace.

If we are sad over our Loved One’s suffering, but simultaneously frustrated at the doctors, angry at God or jealous of others, no one feeling has complete control.

After all, we’re only human, and cannot plumb the depths of ‘anger’ at the exact same time as we are reaching into the extent and intensity of ‘grief’.

With many emotions comes also many options for relief, more opportunities for someone to say ‘me too’.

Yet when we are simply sad, it can become all-consuming. We can easily develop ‘tunnel vision’, and our sadness may push aside every other happiness.

In one sense that’s okay. It’s not wrong to feel grief, and immense grief will be felt immensely.

But it can also be harmful, because we all need some measure of distance. Continue reading “The 3 dangers of being sad after a chronic illness diagnosis”

Should I be encouraging my chronically ill friend to serve?

We can’t really be expected to hold our friends accountable when they can barely get out of bed… can we?

Accountability and encouragement are two things we talk a lot about as Christians.

Similarly, we know that the Bible calls us all to serve God.

But what do we do when our friend (who we are supposed to be encouraging to serve) is chronically ill?

Surely sickness lets them off the hook?

We can’t really be expected to hold them accountable in this area when they can barely get out of bed… can we?

To read the rest of the post head over to Blogs by Christian Women where I am guest posting this week!

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