Top Posts of 2022 (& our theme for 2023!)

Welcome to 2023!

Just as in previous years, what follows is the posts which received the most views in 2022. Have a look, you might encounter an ‘oldie but a goodie’ for the first time, or, like me, be reminded of posts you’d entirely forgotten about!

But first I want to introduce this year’s post series:

Responding to Misconceptions in Chronic Illness

As a Watcher, you might have heard your chronically ill loved one voice a sentiment along the lines of: 

‘I’m no use to anyone’ or, ‘I can’t serve God like this’ or ‘I’m all alone, no one really understands.’

As a Watcher, everything in us often wants to cry, ‘no! That’s not true!’ — but is that best response? What do we do when our loved one keeps voicing these beliefs? Is a response even possible? Ought we protest each time? Are our responses even helpful? After all, we’re not the ones whose every day is impacted and restrained by poor health.

This year we will be exploring these questions and more, in a series of articles formatted as letters. Each one will begin with a statement about chronic illness such as, ‘I’m all alone’ and follow with a ‘letter’ from a Watcher in response. 

One thing that may have stood out to you by now is that these ‘misconceptions’ are not the sole possession of our chronically ill friends! I’m sure all of us have thought them at times. For various reasons we’ve felt incapable, handicapped or restrained by various life situations, and thoughts like these slip out so easily. And so it’s important that we spend some time mulling over them in the presence of God, and ask ourselves whether they hold any truth and how exactly we ought to respond. I’m excited for this journey, even as I suspect it will be a challenging one for us all, me included.

But before we begin this series (a new article will be posted every two months) I have the pleasure of introducing the top pots of 2022!

1: 7 Reasons Watching Someone Suffer is the WORST

reasons why watching someone else suffer is the worst www.calledtowatch.com #caregiver #struggle #chronicillness #writer #hope #chronic #faith #watching #prayer
This post has been at the top of the views chart since it was posted several years ago!

2: Sickness and the Bible (references, disappointments and questions)

sickness and the bible www.calledtowatch.com #caregiver #struggle #chronicillness #writer #hope #chronic #faith #watching #prayer
As has this one! I quote: “Some things in life are opposites. They can’t coexist because they cancel each other out. Fire & Water. Tiny & Huge.
Sometimes I am tempted to add ‘Sickness & Christianity’ to this list.”

3: How to make hospital visits less awkward

how to make a hospital visit less awkward www.calledtowatch.com #caregiver #struggle #chronicillness #writer #hope #chronic #faith #watching #spoonie
Includes a list of questions to ask beforehand as well as on the day of your visit

4: I think I hate my chronically ill family member

I think I hate my chronically ill family member www.calledtowatch.com #caregiver #struggle #chronicillness #writer #hope #chronic #faith #watching #prayer
One of the few posts which still has an ‘original photo’ ie. I took it myself!

5: Help! People keep asking after my chronically sick family member…

help people keep asking and I dont know what to say www.calledtowatch.com #caregiver #struggle #chronicillness #writer #hope #chronic #faith #watching #prayer
“… and there’s nothing left to say.”

And lastly, a post which didn’t make the top 5 but is close to my heart:

Why small talk is so important in chronic illness (& why I neglect it!)

why small talk is necessary www.calledtowatch.com #chronicillness #suffering #loneliness #caregiver #pain #caregiving #spoonie #faith #God #Hope - Copy
Are you like me? Or do you thrive on small talk?

These post are only a tiny selection of all the articles available on the Called to Watch website. Feeling bored? Navigate to the ‘all posts’ section and find more ‘oldies but goodies’!

// What was YOUR favourite post last year? Did it make the list?

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I’m also on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram & Twitter! Meet me there for more interesting reads, resources and community.two sisters

Are Trust and Chronic Illness really compatible?

‘I trust you.’ ‘I believe you.’ ‘Okay.’ Expressions of trust can seem simple, and can be a great gift to those who receive them. When we trust another person, we show respect, bolster confidence, and validate experience.

We are effectively saying, ‘I hear you, I believe you know what you’re talking about, and I am going to assume that you are capable and autonomous until proven otherwise.’ We are demonstrating a ‘firm belief in someone’s reliability, ability and truthfulness’ (thank you, Oxford Dictionary).

So far that sounds quite straightforward. 

Yet in the context of chronic illness, trust can often be accepting your chronically ill Loved One’s assessment of their capabilities, believing their description of the situation, and assuming they have valid ideas, dreams and motivations.

Still sound simple?

Continue reading “Are Trust and Chronic Illness really compatible?”

COVID19 and Chronic Illness: life on the edge of uncertainty

“Life can change completely in an instant.”

Many of us are probably well acquainted with this idea. A tiny niggling pain, a doctor’s visit, a diagnosis – and suddenly, nothing will ever be the same again.

We constantly live on the edge of this uncertainty. All of us – every day, every minute.

Covid19 and chronic illness

For as long as I can remember I have known I will not have my mum forever, and yet that split second phone call during my lunch break at work when I heard she had a mass in her pancreas still changed everything.

For as long as I can remember I’ve devoured books where dramatic things happen. Kids die too young; people are wounded in battle; last minute inheritances save the day; all is lost and all is rescued over and pver again. Yet I still remember exactly where I was when I found out that my ten year old friend had died suddenly from an undiagnosed brain tumour.

Likewise, I suspect that while many of us may “know” the speed with which reality can be remade, these past few weeks of of COVID-19 have also come as a bit of shock. No one really expects a pandemic. Not many people imagine that soon their actions – perhaps already severely curtailed by disease or circumstance – will be hedged further by governments seeking to prevent disaster.

Continue reading “COVID19 and Chronic Illness: life on the edge of uncertainty”

My husband has chronic inflammatory disease (Katie’s story)

“There are people willing to be with you during the dark times.” May this interview be an encouragement that there are others out there too, struggling to love and seeking to give, all the while figuring out what it looks like to do exactly that.

It’s time… for the first interview with another watcher!

The blog series Another Watcher’s Story is a compilation of interviews with other people just like us who are in a relationship with someone suffering from a chronic illness: mental or physical. They may or may not be in an ‘official’ caregiving role, but they have a unique tale to tell.

The purpose of this blog is to remind us that we are not alone.

So without further ado, let me introduce Katie, a wife whose spouse struggles with chronic inflammatory disease (and also the founder of a wonderful ministry: Broken and Mended!)

My husband has chronic inflammatory disease

1. How does your husband’s illness impact his life? 

He is always in pain to some extent. It limits his ability to join in some family activities, but not too many. 

2. What has been the hardest part of Watching them?

The way it has taken so much of his energy and focus away from other things. He is using it for the glory of God and so I am proud of him. He is, however, focused on things many people in the 40’s do not have to even think about. 

3. How has this impacted you?

I have had to adjust my expectations. We are still working out how this affects our relationship and our family. 

katie's story inflammatory disease chronic www.calledtowatch.com #caregiver #struggle #chronicillness #writer #hope #chronic #faith #watching #spoonie

4. What have you learnt as a result of this relationship?

To be more supportive. To realize that he has limitations and I have to respect those. 

5. How has God been present in this relationship?

Every step of the way. We both acknowledge His hand is how we found out about his disease. We believe he has lead David to start the Broken and Mended ministry. 

6. Have you seen any fruits or purpose for their suffering so far?

We see how he and I can relate to others who are suffering. 

7. What does Jesus mean to you? What aspect of his character has impacted you the most?

Jesus is my rock. I can not imagine going through any of life’s difficulties without him. I know that he understands each hurt and disappointment. I trust him with my future and know he will bring any good possible from this situation. 

8. What’s the best piece of advice or encouragement someone has given you? How have they shown they love you?

Early on we had friends who would help out with the kids in order for me to be with David for doctor appointments and surgeries. It is wonderful to have a network around you to help manage life that cannot stop when you need it to. 

9.   What piece of encouragement would you give someone in a similar situation to your own? 

There are people willing to be with you during the dark times. You do not have to pretend that you are okay with what you are facing. Lean on God for strength.

THANKS Katie!

// Are you a Watcher? If so I’d love to hear from you. Please don’t think your story isn’t exciting enough, or your loved one’s affliction not devastating enough! There are no wrong answers! Contact me at gloryafterwards@gmail.com to be part of this series (you can remain anonymous!)

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Why I feel uncomfortable when people offer to pray for healing (even though I’m a Christian)

“I’ll pray God will heal your friend.”

“I’ll pray God will heal you.”

Sometimes these promises make me feel uncomfortable. Have you ever been on the receiving end of an offer for prayer? I’ve used the word “offer” but it’s more of a statement really.

After you share the health struggles of yourself or someone close to you with a Christian friend, there’s often silence. And then –

“I’ll pray for healing.”

How does this make you feel? I’m embarrassed to admit it, but often it leaves me feeling uncomfortable. Here’s why:

Continue reading “Why I feel uncomfortable when people offer to pray for healing (even though I’m a Christian)”

Why we need to celebrate small things

“Perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony…
it may be that God makes every daisy separately,
but has never got tired of making them.” – G. K. Chesterton

There are 2 types of people. Those who celebrate EVERYTHING and those who wait for the really big, land-mark events before they break out the confetti.

I admit I am often one of the later. I don’t want to celebrate prematurely, I want to wait until I’m sure it’s something worthy of celebrating… and as a result, I don’t celebrate much at all!

The problem is life doesn’t always bundle achievements or seasons into boxes. There is often no neat, conclusive ‘end’.

This is especially true with Chronic illness. When you can’t celebrate healing or an ending, it can be difficult to celebrate at all.

And yet I think we are called to celebrate, even when there’s no miracle or no big event. Why? Well I could talk about being positive and practicing self-care and embracing your life and all the rather ‘in’ phrases at the moment…. but I want to give you more concrete reasons.

Continue reading “Why we need to celebrate small things”

Why small talk is so important in chronic illness (& why I neglect it!)

A while ago I read a fascinating article about phatic communication, or ‘small talk’. Phatic communication is speech which serves a purpose other than that implied by the words used. An example would be the question, “how are you?”

What this question is actually asking is, “how are you physically/mentally?” Yet how many of us actually answer this? And why don’t we?

It’s not because we’re being rude or ignoring the question. In fact, often askers are surprised when someone lists their current physical health in response! It’s because we understand that in our social context the question is often merely a greeting, a social nicety which has to be used before the ‘proper’ conversation can begin.

An example of phatic communication (small talk!)

Often when I run I call out a (breathless) ‘hi!’ or ‘good evening/morning!’ as I pass someone by. About 3 times out of ten, someone will reply. Out of that 30%, at least half reply with ‘good thanks’ or ‘I’m well thanks’ – despite the fact that I never asked if they were!

This is because they are so used to ‘how are you’ being part of ‘hello’ and other social niceties (or nonenties!) that they assume I’ve asked and thus reply automatically.

Continue reading “Why small talk is so important in chronic illness (& why I neglect it!)”

How chronic illness changes your perspective of home (and what to do about it)

Home is where your heart is. Your home is your castle. Home away from home. Home sweet home…. the sayings go on.

We assume home is a safe haven, a place of refuge and rest. Yet when chronic illness is involved, even our understanding of ‘home’ gets complicated.

“Is home a place of rest for you, if your Mum is ill all the time and you never know how she’ll be?”

A long time ago, somebody asked me this question. I was indignant. As a teenager, my thoughts ran like this: Are you suggesting that I come from an unhappy home? Firstly, it’s none of your business, and secondly I have a good family and a good home –

The truth is, I did (and do) come from a “happy home”. Yet the question made such an impact on me that I remember it all these years later, because it was something I’d never thought of before:

How does chronic illness in the family affect the definition of ‘home’?

Or, to be more personal: how does your family member’s struggle with chronic illness affect your home life?

Continue reading “How chronic illness changes your perspective of home (and what to do about it)”

Why you should attend your loved one’s doctor’s appointment (and how to be prepared)

A while ago someone I know was diagnosed with a chronic illness. After the initial diagnosis, she had to make an appointment to see yet another doctor. Before this appointment, I was chatting with her daughter and realised something rather abruptly: there is an art to accompanying someone to the doctor.

I’ve been to many doctors’ appointments in my life, both for myself and others. I’m neither proud nor ashamed of this, but I AM used to them.

And perhaps, not everyone is.

As a Watcher, a doctor’s appointment raises several questions: If it’s not for us, should we go? Is it important that we be there? What is our role? Are there reasons we shouldn’t attend?

Every situation is different and so is every person. I don’t think there are right or wrong answers, but I also think we can be a valuable asset at a doctor’s or specialist’s appointment. Here’s why:

Continue reading “Why you should attend your loved one’s doctor’s appointment (and how to be prepared)”

How to write a Get Well Soon card (to someone with a chronic illness)

Get Well Soon cards are great for broken legs and pneumonia – but do you do when someone won’t ‘Get Well’ (soon or otherwise)?

If you’ve ever browsed a two-dollar shop (as we call them in Australia), you’ll know there are many types of cards you can purchase.

Happy Birthday; Congratulations on your baby/engagement/anniversary; My Sympathy; and Get Well Soon cards. This last category can be somewhat disconcerting in the context of a chronic illness.

Of course, the easy solution is to buy your card without those words printed on the front.

But the problem goes deeper than that – what do you write in a card for someone who’s not going to get better? Should you send a card at all? How often? What’s the point?

Continue reading “How to write a Get Well Soon card (to someone with a chronic illness)”