Is it really better to give than to receive?

“It is better to give than to receive.”

This is an oft-quoted-out-of-context verse, but raises an important question: What if you can’t give? Is receiving only second best?

What if you feel like you do all the receiving and none of the giving?
Not all of us are positioned to ‘give’ at all times, in all places. Or sometimes when we do give, our gifts end up being more a hindrance rather than a blessing.

What then?
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The gift that wasn’t for her (LTCI #1)

As the shops get busier and my drive home after a late night shift becomes increasingly well-lit thanks to the current Christmas light epidemic, I’ve decided to introduce a new blog ‘series’.

Love in a Time of Chronic Illness (LTCI)

Many of my posts are either ‘answers’ or ‘explanations’ relating to the difficulties and loneliness-es of loving someone with a chronic illness.

I’ve never proposed to have the ‘only-exclusively-right’ answers to every situation of course. (Unless the Answer is Jesus, in which case I do!) But I write what I’ve learnt and I describe what’s encouraged me.

But for a while now I’ve been nursing a fear that perhaps these posts are portraying me unrealistically.

Eight hundred polished words are not the same as a polished life.
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What to do when someone you love has a chronic illness and you are too young

When someone we love receives a chronic illness diagnosis, it is easy to feel helpless.

This is magnified when you are “young”.

After all, you can’t offer lifts to doctors’ appointments and you can’t be there all the time, because you have to go to school.

Perhaps your offers to help aren’t taken seriously, or people overlook you in the mad rush to help your sick family member.

What do you do when you are too young to love?…

This post was first published on The Rebelution. Read the rest here!

 

(Image courtesy of original publication).

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3 things a stomach bug taught me about chronic illness

This week I was sick. Not chronically sick. Not even break-your-leg sick or appendicitis-need-operation sick. Merely stomach bug sick.

Uncomfortable, rather depressing, but half a week later and I was over it and back at work.
But something had changed.
While I was unwell I learned three very important truths about chronic illness – and I don’t want to ever forget them.

3 things I learnt about being chronically ill

1. Chronic illness means you are ill.

Don’t get me wrong, I never thought it was a walk in the park.

All my life my mum has battled various autoimmune diseases, and in the past few years I’ve watched my younger sister go through many similar struggles. I know personally how chronic illness can drain families, disrupt lives and sabotage futures.

But there’s nothing like being sick yourself to remember that the act of being sick in itself is awful.

It’s not just about the consequences or the collateral damage.

The minute-by-minute pains and nausea, the feelings of exhaustion, the frustration and the helplessness – it’s a horrible thing to experience.

I never want to forget that chronic illness means you are sick, and being sick is awful.

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Watching changes the world

Again, another seeming paradox…

In the last post I proposed that Watching cannot change anything… and now I’m telling you:

Loving someone changes the world

Both are true.

Watching cannot possibly ‘fix’ our Loved One’s suffering.

Nor can it redeem it in their eyes or in the eyes of others. Watching is not an answer to the ‘Problem of Pain’ and should never masquerade as one.

Does that mean Watching is unimportant? Useless? A waste of time? A period of life to be disregarded or belittled?

Not at all.

A spoon is not pointless because it cannot cut my toast. It is merely being used for the wrong purpose.
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Watching is a PRIVILEGE

There’s a reason this post is titled ‘Watching is a privilege’ rather than ‘Watching is easy’.

Am I going crazy?

Following on the heels of the previous post, ‘Watching is hard’, the title above seems incongruous. But be assured, what follows will not cancel out what was written previously.

Watching remains hard, very hard. But I’d like to propose that it is also a privilege. It is an opportunity, and a very unique one. You see, the world around us says that a good and normal life is one full of ease and comfort, luxuries and relational happiness.

That’s all very well, and ideally maybe such a life would be good and normal.

But we know it is not.
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Yes, you are a burden to your chronically ill friend…

Have you ever felt like a burden? To those around you? To your friends, your spouse, your community?
I have.

It’s easy to feel doubly burdensome when someone you love is ill or going through a tough time. You don’t want to add to their struggles… and yet somehow you accidentally end up doing so!

Are you a burden?
I am.

Sorry, but you are a burden

A burden is something troublesome. Something hard to get rid of. We can be burdened by duty, worry, conflict or disease.

But more often than not, our real burdens are people.

All relationships are burdensome. All attachments hurt. Friendship is ecstasy and agony.

When we love someone we worry about them. We weep when they weep, we laugh when they love. It is people – family, neighbours, friends, spouses – which hamper our futures and make our decisions doubly difficult.

Continue reading “Yes, you are a burden to your chronically ill friend…”